Everyone, there’s something I need to get off my chest. I like to think of myself as an accepting person—I rarely judge others, and I stand at the forefront of many progressive movements. Hell, I’ve even gone so far as to sit through an entire movie with Sarah Jessica Parker. Despite all this, I feel that we as a society at some point need to draw the line, stop the madness before it goes too far. Here is my confession: I hate bunnies.
“But wait, good sir!” you say! “How could you despise such cute balls of fluff?” That’s just what the bunnies want you to think. As we sit back with our “oohs” and “ahhs,” these tiny bastards are scheming world domination. Remember when one of them nibbled on poor grandma’s cabbages? Or when a group of them ate your neighbor’s daisies? One celery stalk here and there may go unnoticed, but just wait until these fuzzy monsters get their act together. Today a flower garden, tomorrow the Pentagon.