Deranged blogger declares death to all bunnies

Everyone, there’s something I need to get off my chest. I like to think of myself as an accepting person—I rarely judge others, and I stand at the forefront of many progressive movements. Hell, I’ve even gone so far as to sit through an entire movie with Sarah Jessica Parker. Despite all this, I feel that we as a society at some point need to draw the line, stop the madness before it goes too far. Here is my confession: I hate bunnies.

Baby Bunny Adorable Evil Cute Professional

Look at this conniving bastard.

“But wait, good sir!” you say! “How could you despise such cute balls of fluff?” That’s just what the bunnies want you to think. As we sit back with our “oohs” and “ahhs,” these tiny bastards are scheming world domination. Remember when one of them nibbled on poor grandma’s cabbages? Or when a group of them ate your neighbor’s daisies? One celery stalk here and there may go unnoticed, but just wait until these fuzzy monsters get their act together. Today a flower garden, tomorrow the Pentagon.

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Four more weird things you did as a kid

Click here for Part I! Childhood. That blissful time when you could do whatever you wanted without scrutiny. You could run and play to your heart’s content free from the burden of responsibility. But do you know how strange some of your childhood pastimes were? Your parents smiled at behavior that would make other people scratch their heads in bewilderment. Here is a list of four weird things you did as a kid. Feel free to leave others in the comments section below.

4. Put everything in your mouth

Wow! Look at this rock! It has dirt and shiny specks all over it. It could be a diamond! It could be worth millions! Might as well put it in my mouth. Sound familiar? Kids love to put things in their mouths. Be it a stick on the playground or mommy’s necklace, everything has to be eaten. As bright as children are, they tend to follow a general rule: if it looks at least somewhat edible, it must be consumed. Glue? Check. Money? Check. Cat hair? Why not? This habit, of course, leads to many tummy-aches and owies. Why did we insist on eating everything in sight? If only we could remember…

“Mom, I think we’re going to need a new rubber duckie…”

“Mom, I think we’re going to need a new rubber duckie…”

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The 9 most annoying people in your Twitter feed

Even if you’ve never taken a stroll through the Twitterverse, you’re probably aware that some of its users can be ridiculously annoying. From friends and coworkers who insist on relaying every tidbit of their daily adventures to crazy hot girls who turn out to be spammers, this 140-character world can be a trying place. Below are the nine most annoying people in your Twitter feed—every Twitter user will encounter at least one of these people in their career, guaranteed. Leave your favorite (or least favorite) users in the comments section below! Please share and be sure to check out the 10 most annoying people in your Facebook feed!

9. Guy who feels the need to update everybody with every detail of his life

Desperation

8. Grandma who retweets everything you say

So proud of you!

Hi honey!2

7. Aspiring artist hoping to get recognized

Poetry

Oh so hopeful...

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Dog bites man! 2012’s eight most predictably hilarious headlines

Part II of The Weekly Show’s year in review presents the most predictably hilarious headlines of the year. We foresee these stories weeks in advance, yet they always succeed in making us laugh. Come 2013 we can expect to see (and enjoy!) many new iterations of them. Without further ado, here are the eight most predictably hilarious headlines of 2012. Leave your favorite news stories of the year in the comments section below! Don’t forget to check out Part I!

8. Taylor Swift releases album about breakups

Taylor Swift releases album about breakups

What’s going to happen when she gets married?

7. Attack ads ruin absolutely everything

Attack ads ruin absolutely everything

Please! Make it stop!

6. London 2012: World remembers all those other sports, forgets about them

London 2012: World remembers all those other sports, forgets about them

What the hell is happening to this horse?

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Five people to avoid at the library

And the list-style comedy is back! If you’ve ever visited a library, you probably don’t need me to tell you that other readers can affect your experience. Whether you are gathering research, cramming for an exam, or just enjoying a good book, certain people excel at distracting you from your work. Below are five people to avoid at the library, inspired by a week spent in the library during finals. Feel free to add people you’ve encountered in the comments section below.

The Socialite

It there’s one thing everybody can agree on, it’s that you’re not supposed to talk in the library. These buildings are shrines to the worship of silence. The socialite, it seems, did not get the message. Difficult to spot before it’s too late, the socialite makes himself apparent when he pulls out his cell phone and proceeds to talk as loud as humanly possible. Hoping to finish that paper by the end of the night? Good luck. He has a whole list of people to call, and he made sure to bring his phone charger. Some people have purportedly witnessed two socialites together at the same library. Those who have escaped with their sanity report that the chatter is deafening.

“Yeah, everyone in here is working really hard…no, it’s fine, I can talk.”

“Yeah, everyone in here is working really hard…no, it’s fine, I can talk.”

The Diner

Remember when libraries made you eat your food outside? Even back then you could find one of these guys stealthily munching away. A menace to the studious reader, the diner confuses the library with a dining room. As soon as he sits down, out comes a backpack-full of drinks and snacks. Not just any food, too—these sandwiches and cookies smell so good that nobody in the room will be able to finish a paragraph. The diner wants everyone to know how good his food is as well. Be prepared for an onslaught of crunching, slurping, cracking, and crinkling. Once he has finished his food, he will either fall asleep or leave the library without having opened a book. He then presumably goes to a restaurant and reads.

“Oh man, that was a hard five minutes of studying. NOW WATCH ME EAT THIS APPLE!”

“Oh man, that was a hard five minutes of studying. NOW WATCH ME EAT THIS APPLE!”

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