One year ago I published my initial study on the coming bunny apocalypse. The culmination of years of work, it proved these balls of fluff are out to get us. Furthermore, my research correctly predicted the coming Human-Bunny Clash of 2014. These creatures want blood—and that’s just the beginning.
Everyone, there’s something I need to get off my chest. I like to think of myself as an accepting person—I rarely judge others, and I stand at the forefront of many progressive movements. Hell, I’ve even gone so far as to sit through an entire movie with Sarah Jessica Parker. Despite all this, I feel that we as a society at some point need to draw the line, stop the madness before it goes too far. Here is my confession: I hate bunnies.
“But wait, good sir!” you say! “How could you despise such cute balls of fluff?” That’s just what the bunnies want you to think. As we sit back with our “oohs” and “ahhs,” these tiny bastards are scheming world domination. Remember when one of them nibbled on poor grandma’s cabbages? Or when a group of them ate your neighbor’s daisies? One celery stalk here and there may go unnoticed, but just wait until these fuzzy monsters get their act together. Today a flower garden, tomorrow the Pentagon.
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Have you ever wondered what it would be like to see a dinosaur in the wild? According to the minds behind TEDxDeExtinction, this may happen sooner than we think. The conference, hosted by National Geographic, will feature researchers hoping to erase the boundaries between science and science fiction. These scientists believe that in ten years cloning technology will be ready to bring extinct species back to life.
This is not the first time geneticists have explored the possibility of resurrecting lost species. In fact, in 2009 scientists managed to clone an extinct Pyrenean ibex after the last living individual was killed by a falling tree. The animal, born to a surrogate mother goat, died after seven minutes. Even so, the cloning of the Pyrenean ibex serves as proof that given the right circumstances, extinct species can be brought back to life.