Let me queue you in on a secret: I love video games. They allow us to escape to an alternate reality free from the stresses of our daily lives. But did you know that all those hours spent in front of the screen may have taught you principles incompatible with the actual world? Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned from video games. Add your own in the comments section below!
Just duck behind cover and your head will repair itself
We’ve all been there: you’re innocently running across the map in Call of Duty when somebody jumps out from around the corner and hits you with–no, not one–three shotgun blasts. Your vision goes blurry, and in the corner of your eyes you see blood. Panting, you dive behind the rusted body of a car, holding on to your fraying thread of life. Then, all of a sudden, your sight starts to clear. Your heartbeat returns to normal, and the red in your peripheral vision disappears. Just moments after taking a buckshot to the eye you spring out from cover and rejoin the action without so much as a scratch. This can only mean one thing: no matter how much bodily damage we sustain, we will automatically heal ourselves! We are invincible! Now, if you give me a minute, I’m going to go try out those makeshift wings I have in the attic…
All your problems will go away if you just load your last save
Uh oh, did you just kill that legendary Pokemon? Screw up the quest by making the wrong decision? Not to fear! All you have to do is pause the game and hit “Load Last Checkpoint.” Not only will you be able to give that battle or negotiation another try, you will also be absolved of any sins you’ve committed since arriving in this new region. With this bit of wisdom in mind, you can cast away what your parents always told you: first impressions don’t matter because you can always try again! Just let slip to your roommate you think she’s a bitch? Reload! Accidentally spill your beer all over that hot girl? Try again! You’ll never make a mistake for the rest of your life!
When in doubt, look for the red barrels
Bullets zoom over your shoulder, sending you sprawling behind cover. You look back—too far, there’s no escape! Could this be the end? But wait! There, next to the enemies’ position! An explosive red barrel! Thank goodness these bad guys are so careless! You roll out, fire a round into the cylindrical container, and sit back as the opposing entrenchment bursts into a sea of flames. If my logic here is correct, these red barrels should get you out of real-life situations as well. Just shoot the barrels, and the problem at hand will resolve itself. Oh, and don’t worry about there not being any in sight. They always seem to appear in the perfect locations. It’s a wonder that the world’s evil organizations haven’t brought in a management consultant team to fix this by now.
People like it when you barge into their house
Ever noticed how people in video games are so welcoming when they find you trespassing on their property? They typically welcome you with open arms, not mentioning your presence until you approach them and initiate conversation. Sometimes they even offer you a special item or invite you to begin a quest. People in real life presumably act the same way. Curious about your neighbor’s renovated kitchen? Just walk through the front door. Want to watch that random person sleep? Just take a seat at the bedside table. It’s wonderful that people are so accommodating!
Mushrooms are out to kill you
So you’re strolling through the Mushroom Kingdom on a search for your beloved princess when you come across a mushroom. You approach the little guy to see if he’s lost, and…he kills you! Mushrooms are clearly not to be trusted. These conniving bastards will stop at nothing to prevent you from completing your quest. Hell bent on world domination, they spend their days wandering the paths in search of vulnerable adventurers. The best piece of advice here is to avoid them whenever possible. Never walk through a mushroom farm or through their section in the supermarket. And never, ever, ever put them on a pizza.
So what do you guys think? Are there any life lessons you’ve learned from video games? Share your thoughts in the comments section below! As always, please like, share, or reblog this post if you enjoy it. Be sure to check me out on Twitter and Facebook as well. Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to subscribe for new content every Wednesday! IT’S FREE!
Comment question of the week
What are some life lesson’s you’ve learned from video games?